Wednesday, January 27, 2016

Maybe Someday - Page 6

    Hey there. :)
Here's page 6 of MS!!

      It's been a couple weeks since the incident with Ben. Since then, there had been an enormous change in my life. Ben finally stopped picking on me! I think Scarlet scared him off. Me and her kind of bonded over over punishment of cleaning the cafeteria before and after meals for a week. It was gross, but it wasn't so bad with Scarlet there. She's great.
     We were sitting under a tree in the play yard now, isolated from the screaming kids and flying toys. I was reading The Giver now, and Scarlet was sketching. She is an amazing artist, even though she won't admit it.
      I glanced over the to look at her drawing. It was of a girl sitting in the branches of a large tree. Scarlet notices me and lifts the paper up, "Do you like it?" She asked me. "Yeah!" I reply. "It's you." She told me. Then, she takes out an orange matte pencil, and colors my hair bright orange. "That's more like it." She says. I smile.
     The outdoor attendant blows a sharp whistle, startling me. Scarlet smoothly lifts her head and stands. "Come in!" The attendant bellows. We head in, along with a flurry of kids and teenagers. Inside, we head over to the art table, where Scarlet settles down to continue her picture of me. "Why don't you draw something," She says, "You always have your face in a book." I giggle and sit down in one of the crayon-mark-covered wooden chairs. "Fine" I say with a playful roll of my eyes. Scarlet smirks.
     I lightly scratch in an oval with two circles for eyes, and a triangle-shape for a nose. Then I fill in the eyes with an orange ring and a dark pupil. Scarlet laughs, she knew I was drawing her when she saw the color of her eyes. She jokes, "Beautiful."
    "I told you I can't draw!" I exclaim, laughing with Scarlet. "You weren't lying!" She teases. I elbow her lightly, and shake my head.
     A thin blonde-girl who looks a little older than me strides toward Scarlet from behind. I stop my giggling and nod towards her, raising my eyebrows to Scarlet. The girl stops between Scarlet and I and leans in, one hand on her hip and one on the table. "Hey carrot-eyes," She sneers, I can feel the anger radiating from Scarlet, but she keeps calm. "I see you're hanging out with flame-head there. Seems fitting." At her put-down of me, Scarlet jumps up, but I follow her and sharply whisper in her ear, "She's not worth it!" Scarlet's pale hands un-clasp, but her eyes are flaring in irritation. The girl giggled stupidly, "Thanks for calling your wolf off, red-head, you should get it a leash." With that, the girl left, a smug grin spread across her face. "Knock it off, Brenda." Scarlet called after her. Brenda made a pretend pouty-face and pivoted, "Shoo Doggy." Then she headed on her way.


Did you like it? Please leave your opinion of page 6 in the comments!


8 comments:

  1. I like it! Maybe Someday I will write... ;)
    Bella

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  2. I really like this! I love how you did Ginger and Scarlet's banter - it sounds like an actual conversation two people might have, which can be hard to achieve in dialogue.
    Something I'd be looking for in the next part would be something to differentiate Brenda from Ben. Right now, it feels like they fill basically the same role in the story - a bully whose only purpose in the story is to be mean. I'd love to see something that would show how Brenda is different from Ben - some more dimensions to her character, what she likes to do, if she has any siblings, etc. Maybe have her contribute an interesting plot twist? Just something to make her a little //more// than Ben was, so they don't have the exact same role in the story.

    - Ellie
    http://ontheothersideofrealitynew.blogspot.com

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    1. Thank you! I try to make dialogue as interesting as possible. Don't worry! I have plans for Brenda and Ben, you'll soon see that there IS more to the antagonists of this story.

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  3. Scarlet sounds like a fun person. :)
    It seems like the thin blonde one is always the bully, I've noticed in my reading. I don't know where that stereotype came from, or if its true or not, but it's kind of a bummer for people with blonde hair+are embarassingly skinny.
    And I relate to Ginger and drawing so much. XD XD
    ~Kathryn

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    1. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to power that stereotype. There are two bullies in my story, and only one is blonde and thin. I actually find that darker-haired characters are normally antagonists, while protagonists are nearly always blonde. On the other hand, I do see that there is a "mean girl" stereotype that includes thin blondes.

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    2. Sorry if that came across as rude...do whatever you like! I like the story either way.
      ~Kathryn

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    3. No, no. You're fine! I overreacted. I just get a little irritated when people are super sensitive about stereotypes.

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    4. Lol so does my bff, she thinks I'm a loony.
      ~Kathryn

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